OUTTAKES FROM THE REVELATIONS OF AN INNOCENT MIND
by Blooming on a Snow
Summary: The title says it all. Rated M for language.
1. Chapter 1: C11 Outtake

**A/N:** A very short EPOV because he was very loud in my head at this part and wanted to be heard.

Thanks to my beta, Fran, and how fast she edited this! It's like she has magic wand...

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><p><strong>The Girl and her Sleeping Face<strong>

**An Outtake from Chapter 11.**

Fuck it.

She's asleep.

In my fucking house.

Right in my fucking bed.

Wearing my fucking clothes.

A few fucking inches away from me.

And freshly fucking showered.

Fuck. I'm getting hard.

Why did she even ask me to stay here in the first place? This is taking every fucking ounce of my self-control to behave. But she looks so serene while she sleeps – like the angel I first laid my eyes on that day when we met.

Her mouth is slightly opened.

I thought of a hundred ways to kiss those lips.

And they were fucking ample.

Fuck this.

I remember her telling me while we were in the car that Rosalie had gotten to kiss those lips. It almost made me laugh, if I wasn't seething with rage over that fucking dog. But I couldn't blame Rosalie – they _were _the most kissable lips I've ever seen.

I even envy Rosalie a little bit. But them kissing – fuck, that would have been hot. I wished I was there, like a peeping tom.

And it was her fucking first kiss. And Rosalie stole it. And the dog tried to steal it from her, too.

Fuck.

I really wanted to kiss her.

But instead of kissing her like the savage that I am, I ran my hands against her hair, reveling in the privilege to do this while she didn't know. She had the softest, most fragrant hair I've ever touched or smelled.

Sure, I've slept with a bunch of other women – mostly whores. I can't help it. I'm a man, after all. I have needs.

But this girl – Bella – she is different.

She is so innocent, so kind, so selfless, so honest, and so compassionate that I even try to watch my mouth when I'm around her.

I don't want to act like the bastard that I am when I'm with her. Somehow, just because of her presence, I wanted to treat her the proper way, the way she should be treated.

I wanted to be a fucking gentleman to her.

Oh God, she's moving closer to me.

Fuck.

She smells so good. And she looks so soft.

Since the first time I saw her, I've imagined countless ways we could be together in bed – none of them as innocent as this.

But there is something sacred, something good, and something right in lying so innocently beside her like this.

Sure, I'd fuck her if I have a choice.

No, that didn't quite sound right. I'd have sex with her.

No, that still isn't right. This girl is too special to be ranked like some whore with those degrading words.

I'd _make love_ to her.

I've never done that before – make love to someone. For me, sex is just a chore to get off. However, with her, the idea is intriguing to me, as though it could be something desirable.

Like it was something I would gladly do and would make me complete afterwards.

I'd kiss every inch of her, revel in her body, and worship her the way she should be worshipped.

When she told me she cared for me, I knew it was more than that. It was incredible, and it was hard to believe, but I saw it in her eyes.

But she was so innocent, so pure, so untainted that she didn't know what she was feeling.

And at that moment, I wanted to cry – not like a fucking baby, but it just felt so damn good to hear her say those words. That an amazing creature such as her would ever fall for me.

Fuck, she's lifting her hand.

What is she going to do?

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

She's hugging me.

Damn. It's really hard to have self-control.

When I first saw her in my shirt, I lost it for a second. I thought of probably ten ways to make love to her with her still _in_ my shirt. I would get lost in her as she screamed my name. I would see the pucker between her eyes as she concentrated on me. I would see her curl her lip as she writhed below me.

But most of all, I would see her glow. We would come as one. And she would smile afterwards – that same beautiful smile that makes my heart stop.

And she would whisper my name, like a melody. And I would come undone all over again.

It would be like heaven. Just thinking of it makes me crave the 'making love' so much.

Not like that fucking asshole that she calls a friend. That dog who tried to force himself on her.

I would have fucking killed that guy if she didn't plead for me to stop.

Jacob, the fucking dog.

Just thinking about his name makes all my previous anger resurface.

I would rip him to pieces, and skin him alive, and would burn every bit of him.

And I would laugh so fucking hard as he disintegrates to ash.

He has no excuse whatsoever to force any girl like that – more so this pure, delicate, beautiful angel. If a girl says 'no', no matter what kind of animal you are you will stop.

And he didn't.

Fuck Jacob to the deepest pit of hell. I really should have killed him, and I would've enjoyed it.

But Bella needed me.

I knew she was only trying to stop me when she said she needed me. She's not a good liar.

But just the thought that she needed me was my undoing.

And it was more like an automatic thing for me to do as she asked. Like I couldn't help myself when she wanted me to do something for her.

Bella is my strength and my weakness.

I would move mountains for her, and I would bow down on a floor of broken glasses to her.

And I realized, that for the first time, there is still a human part in me – that I am still capable of human emotions.

That I am not just a monster or a killing machine.

That I can love.

And someone could love me in return, though she doesn't know it yet.

But she is an angel.

And I'm damned.

I couldn't be anything more for her no matter how hard I tried. I am rotten, grotesque, hideous, compared to her.

And it's wrong for me to love her.

I have a mission. And I am so close to fulfilling it – so close to attaining the goal that has brought me to this damned life.

And I can't lose my focus just because I fell in love with her.

But when she told me her story, and she told me her feelings, there was hope – a tiny drop in a sea of sorrow – that I might actually be fit for her. That I could be saved from my own pain. That she could be the one to lead me out of this life.

It was a tiny droplet. But it stands out from all the other bodies of water in the tides of my tormented life, making it the most noticeable of all.

"Edward."

Fuck, is she awake?

"Ed-ward…"

Her eyes are closed, but she's mumbling things. Is she… sleep talking?

"Stay."

Did she just ask me… t-to stay?

I've spent an entire week with her in that smelly, grimy apartment before, and I've never once heard her talk in her sleep. Maybe she was just so tired because of what happened this day.

'Can't say I blame her. It was a strenuous day, even for me.

"What choice do I have? Whatever you say is a command to me – one that I cannot break."

Though it sounded fucking cheesy, it's the truth.

"Edward. Never leave me again. Stay."

I smiled as I stared at the beautiful angel who landed in this hell that I'm living in.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"You smell so good…"

I chuckled quietly, careful not to wake her up.

"You smell divine," I whispered back.

She smiled, and it was all that I needed.

No fuck.

No sex.

No _sleeping_ with her.

Not even making love.

Could ever trump how fucking ecstatic I was feeling at this time.

It was more than enough – it was incredibly enough – that I got to spend one night with her…

As my angel sleeps.

Briefly, I forget who I am, and how I shouldn't be with her.

And everything seems possible …

Right now, all that mattered was the present.

And for this night to never end for us.


	2. Chapter 2: C15 Outtake

**Taking a Swig**

**EPOV**

**An outtake of what happened after chapter 15.**

Damn it, she's gone.

I read and reread her letter, still finding it hard to believe that she was indeed gone.

However, the proof of her absence was glaringly obvious by the lack of her clothes inside her dress-cabinet.

And I was hours too late to catch up with her because I was a fucking coward after our talk and was holed up in my room.

Now the sun has already set.

I really couldn't recall what I did next.

I think I might have blacked out.

Hours later, Alice found me in my room with a drink in my hand, seated on the floor, and leaning on the wall.

She had her gun in her hand, and when she saw me, she jumped a little and lowered it.

"Damn it, Anthony! You almost gave me a heart attack. I thought someone found you here and took you out. What's with this place? Why was it wrecked? Where's Bella?"

"You can call me Edward now, Alice, it doesn't really matter anymore. Fuck being careful about my name … Fuck everything that has anything to do with who I am."

She carefully approached me – making sure she avoided all the objects obscuring her path – and came to sit beside me.

_Oh, so that's what happened when I blacked out_.

I broke furniture and some other items in the house.

I briefly scanned my piano and was a little surprised that it survived my outburst.

"Edward, what happened?"

Alice has that look again, as if she could see through me. It was the same look she gave me that night in New York when I rescued her from that animal of a guy forcing himself on her in an alley the first time that we met. It was as if she could see through me – the same way that Bella could sometimes do.

I take a swig of the alcohol and it burns my throat.

"Edward, come on. Tell me."

"Where's Em and Rose?" I asked instead.

"They wouldn't be back until tomorrow. Boss needs them." She rolled her eyes at this. It was no secret how boss always picks out Em for the most inane but time-consuming tasks. He always wants to make him more like me, but he never succeeds.

However, if there's one thing more that makes Boss a huge pain in the ass, it's his persistence and pursuit over what he wants.

"How did it go?"

Alice already knows what I was asking, and she merely shrugged, getting more comfortable in the way she was seated.

"Demetri got the paintings – fucking asshole was too cocky and he almost got caught – and then got to swap them with my paintings. Harold will be pissed when he gets back home to find his pieces swapped … If the idiot even notices."

She had a satisfied smirk on her face, probably imagining how the old hag would remain unsuspecting about his prized possession.

"Not a museum's painting, huh?"

"No. It was small scale this time."

I nodded, took another swig of my drink, and then rested my head on the wall.

"Alice, Bella is gone."

She wasn't surprised.

She probably already thought about that when she saw what I did inside my house.

I handed her the letter.

She read it for a few minutes in silence, and then gave it back to me.

I took another swig.

"So, she finally told you how she feels."

I looked over at her and realized something – Alice had been Bella's confidant.

"And you didn't tell me about this before? Why?"

"I thought you already knew. Bella was very easy to read and she really couldn't hide her feelings from you well."

"I did know. I just can't believe that she realized it." I shook my head.

How Bella could have fallen for me was beyond comprehension. It still didn't erase my incredulity that someone like her – so pure, innocent – was able to fall for me, and was bold enough to tell me how she felt.

What did she see in me?

"So, what's your plan now?"

"I don't know. Kill the dog; that fucking Jacob Black for threatening Bella?"

"He's not part of your plan. Don't do it, Edward."

I shrugged and drank again.

I'd gladly kill Jacob anytime of any day. However, Alice was right – he wasn't part of the plan.

_Why is the fucking alcohol not hitting me yet?_

"Bella wants you to change. She wants to save you – save all of us. Don't lose her like this, Edward. For the first time in your life, you could be happy with someone. I know you think you don't deserve her love, but why not be selfish and be with her? It's still not too late to walk away from this life, you know."

That irked me.

"It's fucking too late Alice! Don't you fucking see how fucking ruined I am? I am a fucking monster with a humongous fucking hatred and a fucking life."

Alice chuckled, and I grew angrier.

"Edward, if only you could see the changes we've seen with you these past couple of days. I am telling you, you're far from your previous self. I think your hatred has subsided, even a little."

I glared at her.

"Don't you do that, Edward Cullen; I know before, it seemed impossible to live with everything that had happened to you. Killing those people was the only way you could live, but right now, it's not the only way anymore. Think. If you're with Bella, is there any bigger reason to live than just simply to be with her?"

"I'm too close to my goal, Alice."

"I know you are."

_Fucking Rosalie teaming up with fucking Alice. _

Rosalie said the same things to me this morning, and I knew the two must have spoken about me again.

We were silent for a while.

I took another swig, and finally felt the much-needed heat from my head to my neck – an indication that the alcohol was finally doing its job.

"Why is every fucking person I care about leaving me, Alice?"

She put her gun down the floor to take my left hand with both of hers.

"I'm still here, we're still here. And Bella could be here if you change course."

"You know it's not that easy. Boss will be pissed – more than pissed – and will have a bigger excuse to get rid of me."

She patted the back of my hand.

"We'll find a way, Edward. However, right now, all you have to think about is what you truly want, and whether Bella means more to you than your past.

Are you willing to lose her like this?"

_Fuck. _

_I need to drink more._

And then start thinking about what to do next.

_Although I think, I know the answer already._

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><p><strong>AN: There you have it: a short outtake of Edward's reaction to Bella's departure after Chapter 15. I hope you liked it. I enjoyed writing this one.**


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